Unsolicited advice

Lest anyone think I’ve fallen prey to the syndrome of lady bloggers giving up the quill just because they’ve dropped their glove at some chinless archduke with a gold phaeton and more than five thousand a year, I am putting in a small appearance. Bad blogger! Bad Booey!! I have no excuse. I bin busy.

I will say this though: it’s extraordairrrr the sort of insanity that well-intentioned people will haemorrhage when you have a Gentleman Caller. Like about two seconds after you are going out:

“Enjoy it…while it lasts.”
“The sex is the best only after you’ve just met.”
“Be careful when taking the pill at this age…in case you want to have a baby.”
“Men only get excited about lingerie in the first six months…after that they could care less.”
“In about a year or two you’ll notice everything you don’t like about him. That will be the test.”
“You’re going to have to completely re-think your entire personality.”
“I hear wedding bells!!”

This is a good lesson to keep every detail about yourself private for the rest of your life and go live in a cave. Other unsolicited advice however should be encased in carbonite and shot into space for posterity:

“Do or do not – there is no try” (true story – a friend quoted Jedi at me)
“Just enjoy it.” (note lack of caveat)
“DON’T text. Never text.”

“Be yourself” is a good one, except for the fact that it’s probably a time in one’s life when one is feeling – how shall I say – a bit unushe. The first month with the poor bastard I spent in a state of intense nervousness and embarrassment, interjected at random points of the day with sloppy grins and unexpected chuckling. I also astounded some mates one day by bursting into loud and mortifying sobs, sweated over an elaborate four-course dinner, wrote love letters, and many more things far too private to detail here. There is no pertinent advice for such lunacy.

As what happens more often than not, my old man had if not the best unsolicited advice, but the best comment: “I don’t care if this bloke looks like Quasimodo and drags his leg behind him, as long as he treats you right.”

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8 thoughts on “Unsolicited advice

  1. How many of those comments came from your sisters? “Enjoy it…while it lasts" sounds especially Stewart-esque. These comments sound a lot like the advice going around on the subject of parenthood. "They'll ruin your life," or, "Forget about having any more adventures," or, "Say bye to any relationship romance you used to have." Based on the negative word-of-mouth, if babies were a film, I'd go ahead and pass. WHAT is with all the 'friendly' heads-up?Congrats on your Gentleman Caller.

  2. Hmmm, Fearfulgirl. I know not who you really are but have decided to take offence nonetheless. Sure, one of the Dread Sisters has a most chequered relationship history, to say the very least, but the other one does appear to have been with the same bloke for some 24 years now. So hardly the sort of advice about to come from her lips, huh?

  3. okay, well, my quill has been collecting dust of late but my blogging hasn't been waylaid due to an archduke, chinful or otherwise.is lovely to see you're still blogging though my pet. It seems you have acquired quite the influx of stupendously insightful advisers of late, and you have my condolences. dad sounds a beauty however; he damn well better treat you mighty fine.oh, and i have well learnt the lesson of keeping all details private and must say my cave is lovely and cool this time of year.

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