Ye’ll tek the high road and I’ll tek the low road

Amazing things happen when you re-arrange your bedroom.

F’rinstance, you may discover the Hardcore Devo Vol 1 album you’ve been searching for, on cassette, and unplayable. You may move a large piece of furniture and realise the dim grey carpet you’ve been prancing about on for yonks is in fact a rather light taupe. You may also decide that the natty felt hat you’ve been hanging onto for years makes your head look like a peanut.

The main idea, of course, is to freshen up your outlook, face your bed towards a different compass point and open your eyes on a new world every morn (lost on someone with a prescription bordering on ‘legally blind’ – I could look out every morning on a nuclear waste dump circled by vultures and think it a fanciful play of light and shade over French countryside).

But when you effect such changes – such as arranging your winkle-pickers prettily in a row and relocating unpleasant decorations from the living room* – you do not expect instant, tangible results!

Last night my housemate informed me he was moving out.

His graceful speech of departure was too hippified and hilarious to recount in sufficient detail, but rest assured the cosmos was drawn into it.


It’s nice when some decisions are taken out of one’s hands, isn’t it? As some long-time readers of this blogge may know, I’ve been plagued by the old housemates over the past four years. I’ve had the passive-aggressive. I’ve had the Landmark Lesbians. And I’ve had the long-term pot smoker.

Oh I’m loathe to put the wee chap into the same basket as the other two (actually the Landmark Lesbians get their own mouldy seagrass matting, God rot ’em), as he’s a lovely gentleman with a charming manner and can be fine company. To sum up my housemate: he is a delightful person who cannot ever comprehend taking responsibility for his own actions. Not helped any by the amount of brain cells snuffed out over the years.

In the whole two years we’ve lived together, he has been undergoing a constant process of re-invention, or in his words ‘transformation’. When does it end? Two years! Let me tell you that as an unwilling participant it’s TIRESOME.

This culminated in me threatening to kick him out over the pot smoking issue, then the smelling the pot smoke in the house issue, then more recently the paying rent late and unemployment issue, and having to explain to a grown man the importance of paying rent – in some detail. He’s not 18 and just moved out from his Mum – he’s 35.

On the positive side of things, I’m all of a to-do. I currently pay rent and bills on a gorgeous space at the BBI, which I (and my long-suffering Pater) spent a long time gussying up. I pay a good amount of rent on a two-bedroom house with a front and back yard. My housemate pays for the other half, and paid his last installment yesterday. I sat down last night, and high school-style, reduced the situation to a series of ‘pros’ and ‘cons’:

Option #1: Keep British Raj-themed office for remaining 10 months of contract
-Excellent contact with lovely BBI people.
-Space is fabulous and a nice place to be.
-Desk is humungous – almost big enough for all my crud.
-Monte Carlos.

-Will add $$ to home rent situation.
-Will take some effort to dismantle – blogger is lazy.
-I’ll only be in it 2-3 days per week. While the blogger is lazy, I don’t like the idea of my office sitting idle.
-I worry about security – this computer is fuckoff big and perty.

Option #2: Work from home again and live on my own**
-Wouldn’t have to pay rent at BBI, obvs.
-Only for 2-3 days per week.
-Could recreate the British Raj again in the second bedroom.
-I could do be-utiful things to the house, given free rein and girlish standards of cleanliness.
-A big wad of stress would be completely removed from my life (this is a massively important point I think).

-Working from home is lonely
-Working from home can be cold
-Working from home sent me slightly loopy last time (although that could have been the company I was living with).
-One should never go backwards.

Option #3: Get another housemate in
-Would be cheaper
-Could be good company – I might get a functioning adult this time (hope springs eternal).

-The lease is up in October, during which the landlord will certainly jack up the rent again or not renew the lease.
-Would have to get used to new and no doubt repulsive habits and quirks of another person.
-They could be cult members.
-They could have all-girl threesomes at 8am.
-Their dog could shit on my bed.
-They could be passive-aggressives.
-They could be tightarses.
-Completely exhausted with the idea of housemates all round, see above.

Option #4: move out to a smaller flat and break the lease
-It could be one of those divine Art Deco flats like what the Flying Carosone lives in.

-Breaking leases is expensive and bothersome
-I’ve lived here four years – t’would be silly all round given the crazy rental situation
-It could be one of those godawful 1960s chipboard thingos I’ve lived in previously.

So many options! I am at sixes and sevens. Fortunately, and for the first time in a long time, I have a steady income stream, which does give me a few more choices.

*This involved removing a plastic owl holding a tuba, two pine cones and a Kinder Surprise toy.

**My diabolical Plan 2B (I call it ‘B’ cause it’s a real stinger) involves getting someone else in to run their business from my home as well and help out a bit with the rent. This idea would take some teasing out and be dependant upon the right person.

6 thoughts on “Ye’ll tek the high road and I’ll tek the low road

  1. Don’t look on the office thing as “going backwards”. You could look at my current work situation the same way, although I prefer to look at it as “spring cleaning…out with the old, in with the new” and “consolidating my business” which makes me feel much more positive about it all.AND I save money – you can’t beat that.

  2. I know I know! But I’m thinking of the last time I worked from home, when I was starting up my business, had not enough to do, no money, a passive-aggressive woman in and out all day and a small rat-like dog wot disliked me heartily and done poos everywhere.Obvs, things will be different now.

  3. You see this is where a pros-cons analysis falls down! Each of the 4 options on the surface look feasible. Although having said that on the surface you look least sure about option 3 and option 4.Will you have more contact with people with the new part time job thingy anyway? I suppose with 2 you have the option to get someone else in or seeing if someone would like to rent your other room as an office space.Go with your gut.And if you get stuck, flip a coin. If you don’t like the outcome then you know you want to go the other way. Either way it gets you out of a bind.

  4. Are you kidding? You will be fine with 2 days a week at home! I think you need at least that much Boo-time to decompress. And if you’re feeling a bit loopy there are plenty of people to call and harrass (me, at least). I vote for option whichever one it was that had you turning the house into a corner of the sun-never-sets, complete with more palm trees, stuffed elephant feet, some pith helmets and that monkey with a fez that we talked about when the theme was British Protectorate Cairo. BTW nice post – and if you ever blog about your OTHER old housemate that way I’ll have your (moth-eaten tiger) hide!

  5. Am leaning towards the second option at the mo’, with the option to get in another housemate later if I’m truly skint. Am mentally rearranging rooms as we speak. Trained monkeys wearing a fez with a little weskit are hard to come by in Melbourne alack.Alix, I wouldn’t blog something I wouldn’t tell to someone’s face – even you! Otherwise I’d just keep it as a personal journal! I have told the young chap all of the above, in far more detail – he is more than aware of my many and varied viewpoints, and knows I make no secret of ’em.

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