What not to wear

I have what is probably the unsolveable wardrobe crisis on my hands.

Tomorrow I have to interview people at both the Melbourne Fire Brigade AND an Orthodox Jewish organisation.

What to wear?

There really is nothing in my wardrobe that straddles the sultry-booberella-Bridget Jones-esque-firepole slithering look with the high-necked-ankle concealing-chanukkah-celebrating-serious journalist ensemble.

All my tops are tight.
My one business shirt is too spinsterly for the MFB
My short-sleeved good shirt stretches tight across the bazumbas
I do not own what the magazines call a ‘cardie’.
All my clothes are ugly generally.

The only thing I can come up with is some sort of James Bondish wetsuit that unzips to reveal a completely different outfit while I mutter something about slipping into a dry martini. An outfit of course that exists only in my mind.

Any ideas?

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9 thoughts on “What not to wear

  1. hmmm… hard to say without having a quick rifle through what you have, as i’m sure that, like me, you actually have loads of things but can never be arsed digging around for them. do you have a neat v-necked jumper that can go over the tighter shirt for the second interview? or perhaps you can de-frump the business shirt somehow (um, don’t trouble me for detail) or… is there time for a quick change?

  2. Just leave the top three buttons of the business shirt undone for the firemen, then do them up for the Kosher-bacon eating types.Or, wear a sexy boobarella top for the firemen, then put the business shirt over the top.I am also having a wardrobe crisis re: tomorrow as was supposed to be having meeting this arvo re: being paid stupid amounts of money for online content for a certain organisation, only to find I have been put off til tomorrow. As a consequence, I have worn my scariest black suit today, with white Perri Cutten shirt that will now not be clean for tomorrow, and even if wash it tonight, will look quite odd to wear same outfit to work work two days in row. But it’s the only outfit that makes me look scarily professional and worthy of Media Alliance scarily large hourly rates… what to do…

  3. BBBJ,This is so easy.Underneath: sleeveless white low-cut shirt, red leather mini skirt or shorts.On top: Long sleeved black shirt, buttoned to the throat.Floor length black shirt. And a knitted black shawl, either around the shoulders or over the hair.When with the Orth-doxies, do the second paragraph. With the fire brigade, ditch the black skirt and shawl, remove the black shirt and tie it around your shoulders.And wear a kara. That’ll throw ’em all off.

  4. Thank you all for your cunning suggestions. I am also enjoying my own mother writing into my blogge with fashion tips.I compromised with a pencil skirt: knee-covering and black yet saucy and sexy. And white heels which sound gross but are kewl, and a girlish top that almost shows the top of the Salt Lake Cities but not quite. And a long coat thingo which I removed for the benefit of the firefighters.They let me climb up into the cabin of a fire truck and work the sirens and lights. Then I romped about with the oxygen tanks and masks, and we practiced lifting these giant dummies like human bodies. Then we hung out in the gym a while and chatted to the personal trainers. Am still fanning self.The Jews were also lovely and gave me nice coffee. Only a yarmulke in sight, nothing more extravagant than that so my research was orf.

  5. oh thank you for that insight into firefighters.I have great respect for them ever since I experienced ‘smoke inhalation’ – until then, one has no idea how painful it is – like breathing nails instead of air.re ‘clothes’ and “nothing to wear” -Why do men wear a shirt and suit ? because they don’t have to think. When I was working in offices and agonising over the daily ensemble, I soon realised that if i dressed like all the men it would be fast and easy every day.and it was.I’m still fond of ties.

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