Oooh, I’ve been tagged in a meme! Lad Litter has requested it. Thrills for dills!
My earliest memories stem from the first place I lived in at BEAVER ST, BOX HILL, where I lived from 0-5. Now I do have tons of memories from that time I can share here, but the problem is, no-one ever believes me. Pedants of the world take great delight in telling me that I’m ‘wrong’ and that I just ‘made that shit up’. Shut up and read, or sue me.
1. The living room: I recall being dumped on my sister’s lap as a baby, and constantly slithering off a pair of chubby red legs in tights. I also remember not being able to sit up properly. Someone was flashing lights at us. There’s a photo of this that matches up, from the week I was brought home from hospital. I know there’s a whole school of people out there who reckon this is impossible but there you go. Perhaps it’s something to do with the last born having the fewest photos taken, so I took this one to heart. Approx age: one week.
2. The Prom: We used to go on holiday at Wilson’s Prom about once or twice a year. I recall being washed in the laundry sink, with my legs sticking over the sides and Mum cooing that I was getting too big for the sink. I recall wanting to bathe in the laundry sink forever. Actually the sandy/sunscreen/Easter/gas cooker smell of those cabins has never left me. From my descriptions Mum reckons it would have been in Waratah, which made me about 1 ½.
3. The Schnall: My Aunty Schnall would often babysit, which was always a source of great excitement. One night she came over and we had a blackout. We ate rabbit in white sauce by candlelight around the low wooden coffee table. When my parents came home they flicked the lights on again, and we wailed. Approx age: 2-3
4. Neutrogenaville: My sisters had designed a kind of playhouse/fun park in our back shed and called it Neutrogenaville. This consisted of a variety of scary draped fabrics, mysterious buckets of water, ratting marbles and other items terrifying to the under-five. My oldest sister would blindfold us, put us in an old laundry basket and drag us around the floor of the shed to go on the various ‘rides.’ All the while introducing each thrilling attraction and making unearthly sounds in our ears. Approx age: 3.
5. Kindergarten: The teacher would dress us in waterproof clothes and gumboots, pop us into a mudpit and turn the hose on us, two at a time. Mudfights would ensue. Approx age: 4
6. Sunday School: We had to get up and sing ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’ holding up wee signs of flora and faunae. Each card was assigned to the kid most like the picture, so all the blonde fluttery girls were birds, butterflies and kittens and all the boys tough creatures like lions and dogs. They made me be a large purple octopus, which I recall did not impress me. Approx age: 4-5.
*The kinder and Sunday school were in the same place. Somewhere between these two times I was in the bathroom, comparing stomachs with some other kids. They called them ‘belly buttons’. I informed them that the correct word was ‘navel’.
Hmm I reckon if I went though this systematically and wrote down every memory, I could quite clearly chart my beginnings as a difficult old curmudgeon.