This individual was recently brought to my attention:
André is one of these classical musicians hell-bent upon ‘bringing it to the masses’ to enormous acclaim. He’s taken every well-known piece of music guaranteed to get every toe tappin,’ and brought them together under one roof. With accordions. And Riverdance. On ice. He is Yanni, Kamahl and Kenny G in the one person, but better. People weep and sing during his shows – I suspect they have to hose the seats down after every performance.
Look! Observe! It’s no coincidence that his surname is pronounced something like ‘RRRRRAOW’. The only thing I love more than his forehead is his chin. His expression goes well beyond smug. That man is enormously happy with himself. I am enormously happy with his floppy hair and snow-white dicky.
André’s website is a breathtaking abundance of adjectives, exclamation marks, quality merchandise, recipes, the Benny Hill theme song clamouring with Les Miserables for attention, and beautiful, beautiful clip art. I suspect the English translation is a tad more interesting than intended, and veers between fawning interjections like ‘damn is André proud of that!!!’ and musings from the man himself such as ‘The instrument even has a feminine shape, with its nice rounded shoulders, its waist and hips, neck and head. It’s a real experience.’
The most exciting part is of course the 3D-animated video, which highlights something described as ‘Een romantische nacht in Wenen’:
A Romantic Viennese Night in front of a real Viennese emperor’s palace, with André Rieu & his Johann Strauß Orchestra & Choir, many soloists, the Platin Tenors, The Viennese State Opera Ballet, 80 Viennese Debutantes, the golden coach with Empress Sissi & Emperor Franz Joseph, The Viennese Ice Dancers, the most famous figure-skating champions, Viennese “Fiaker” with horses & lackeys, wonderful costumes, fantastic music, lots of waltzes and much much more…
“Make sure you won’t miss this fantastic unique concert!!!!” exhorts the tagline.
So let me see…it’s got a real palace, singers, ballerinas, debutantes, a golden coach, European royalty, ice skaters, horses…oh, and le beau André himself. The only things missing from my nostalgic childhood references are a mistily romantic poster of a girl tying her pointe shoes, a copy of The Little Green Road to Fairyland and Michael J. Fox.
To think I’ve been living without him for so long. The enchanting picture below adorns my desktop and makes me laugh and sing very time I turn on the computer. I am in lerve.