Top ten good-looking nationalities

When I returned home after six months in West Africa, my first thought was not: “Allah be praised! A flushing toilet!” it was: “By Christ we’re an ugly lot. Is this what happens when cousins marry?”

Yet we aspire to that Miss Universe/Warnie/Neighbours ideal, of endless fun in the sun, sparkling locks and white polo shirts with a fake insignia. What is it with us Aussies? Do we not realise there’s a world of people out there far more attractive than we?

If you ask any Australian who the best looking people in the world are, they’ll always shout: “The Swedes! Don’t forget the Swedes!” You’ll then hear a long rant about the gloriousness of their near-naked women, their enlightened healthcare system and education, not to forget their abundant saunas, blond furniture and opportunities for group sex. If it’s not the Swedes, then it’s the Finns, the Danes or the Norwegians, which are usually put forward as the nationality most likely to cop a feel from an Aussie.

To be honest, impossibly tall, blonde, tanned people leave me cold. And – dare I say it – frighten me a little. To elevate the Swedes as better looking than us all is the obvious answer. So I’ve compiled my own list, which I can’t make up my mind is incredibly PC or incredibly offensive. Enjoy.

10. Indian: This has nothing to do with the fact that every Indian person I meet thinks I am gorgeous, and will tell me about it repeatedly. It all starts with the hawk-like nose, then moves on to the profuse tresses of blue-black hair, then the dusky skin. As for the paler-skinned Indians, some will still have blazing dark eyes and dark lips. Rrraow.

As for the physique – the women are like little hourglasses, with big shoulders and boobs. In fact I thought, ‘at last, I’ve found a place they all look like me, except shorter and better looking!’ And the men are rangy. Many of them have long hair. Some are beturbanned. I don’t need to say any more.

9. Malaysian: OK, so this covers a number of different races, but there has been enough waves of migrants sweeping throughout the centuries, to make a delicious rendang of velvety eyes, perfect red/brown skin and black hair.

I’ve been there countless times and have had a good chance to let my lecherous glance sweep over a few specimens. In Singapore I had the most BEE-YOOTIFUL student called Fadly, who would present a show on the Malay channel over there. This man was so picturesque that every time he’d walk past the office, all my workmates would down tools to reflect upon his otherworldly beauty. Harps would play, fireflies would dance and four-leafed clovers would burst into bloom in his wake. I gave him all A’s. As any red-blooded female would.

8. Malian: All the tribes over there are ridiculously handsome, but I’ll put in a special vote for the Tuareg, who have dark honey-coloured skins and GREY EYES. Imagine coming across this in the middle of the desert. Then imagine him wrapped up in a towering indigo-blue headscarf, so only a pair of burning, weathered eyes are showing. Then a billowing white boubou, silver jewellery and a rifle, a machete or even a bandolier. SO. FABULOUS.

7. Lebanese: The most amusing thing about the War on Terror is the alerts for ‘men of Middle-Eastern appearance.’ This always makes me think “Oooh – where – is he single?” I include them for the big-nose-and-lustrous-hair factor, two traits high on my list of admirable features (I distrust people with too-small noses). There are many men and women ‘of Middle-Eastern appearance’ in my ‘burb, and they all make me gnash my teeth with envy.

6. Dutch: I suppose I should include some uber-whiteys here. I can tolerate the Dutch, because they amuse me. All those dairy products, bread, cream sauces and comics must be agreeing with them. And they come from a different, more northern race than my plain Anglo-Celtic one, which means cheekbones, long legs and fair eyebrows, which can be quite attractive.

5. Chinese: I’m not a huge fan of tiny little people (for fear of trampling them accidentally), but when I finally got to the People’s Republic, I found they come in all shapes and sizes, all of them appealing to the eye. The ruddy cheeks of the tribes in Yunnan Province! The porcelain-skin of Shanghai matriarchs! The swarthy, longhaired gents in suits in Beijing! Phooey to Tiger Leaping Gorge, Shangri-La and other touristy shite – visitors should prepare to feast their eyes upon the local eye candy.

4. Japanese: Although my friend Keiko has warned me off all Japanese men, I’d like to put in a vote here for Junichiro Koizumi and Chairman Kaga. I think any Japanese man with long-ish hair should be placed upon a pedestal and worshipped accordingly. Japanese women are not unpretty as well. I think it’s the cheekbones-and-almond-eyes factor, as well as the sweeping kimono and dramatic obi.

3. New Zealand: I’m not thinking of the amusingly-accented people from the same gene pool as myself, I’m thinking of the Maori (last time I checked, not a nationality). Large, barrel-chested people with facial tattoos make me want to hit myself repeatedly over the head with a mallet like the wolf in a Tex Avery cartoon. And again, we return to the honey-brown skin and dark tresses, thuck icksint and proud posture.

2. Ghanaian: As well as the beautiful West African skin, the Ghanaians have heart-shaped faces and the most elegantly-shaped heads on the continent. Combine this with a deep red wax-print toga, huge gold jewellery and a slow stroll and it’s thumbs up all round. In fact I’ve run out of thumbs! Don’t get me started on the accent. Divine.

1. Senegal: OK I have a bit of a sad fixation with this part of the world, but every single person in this country is good looking, regardless of age, race or severity of handicap. I say that with no exaggeration. They are truly gods.

The most obvious thing is the skin. You know when you put a 70% Lindt block over a pan of gently simmering water? Then, as you stir it into glossy swirls, you wish you could become tiny like Alice and just dive straight in, with your slavering jaws wide open? Well Senegal is something is like that.

Not only do they have spectacular skin, they are all about 7 feet tall. Someone called me a ‘midget cheese’ when I was there (but my French is dodgy, so they could have been saying ‘get out of my way you fat colonial overlord’ for all I know).

They dress in bright, unbelievable fashions, including pink overalls, bonnets and t-shirts with ‘nobody knows I’m a lesbian’ written on them (the men) and towering starched headscarves, giant decorated sleeves like pyramids and petticoats made of string bags (the women). Some even dye their gums blue with indigo! They all get away with it.

And the hair! It’s stunning! Why is it that every black woman I’ve ever known complains bitterly about her hair? It’s like this lifelong obsession. WHY LADIES. You can do anything with the African hair. You can tie it in long braids, or put it in cornrows. You can make it look like a sunburst. You can make spirals in your own scalp. You can even straighten it then coiff it up, so it looks like a breaking wave. I LONG to have hair like a breaking wave.

However, most Senegalese men keep their hair cropped short and close to the scalp, which gives me tingles just thinking about it. With a richly embroidered boubou, bright yellow babouche and silver bangles, our number one spunkiest nationality wins hands down.

I think this post says less about good-looking people, and more about what a colossal perve I have become in my spinsterhood, non?

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16 thoughts on “Top ten good-looking nationalities

  1. You left out the Venezuelans. I have it on good authority (my husband), that next to half-caste Desis, these are the most beautiful people in the world.And speaking of which, living all my life in a racially/ethnically/ culturally diverse society, it’s hard to overlook us mongrel types. Take me, for instance, half Punjabi, 3/8 French, the rest evenly divided between Inuit and Prussian. Now I’m older and have grown a bit stout, no, be honest, quite obese, but when I was younger, I had to fight ’em off. Really.And the combination of Vietnamese and AngloAmerican or African American are a treat to the eyes, as well. Like you, I prefer darker skin. Once Mani, who was quite light asked me if I prefered his summer look (darker) or his winterlook (lighter); I had no trouble answering the candy-coloured caramel of summer. Simon, now, is very dark, as is his whole family. Perhaps you should add Kikuyus to your list.I do agree about the Senegalese. I once saw a group of them walking, dressed all in blinding white this time, so tall and slender and graceful; I have never forgotten. I was impressed.In the end, though, a man without a turban looks half-dressed, and without a beard, just slightly effeminate.

  2. My blog for comments, eh?I wanted to tell you that I have sent a link to a Yahoo group I’m a member of, Black Asian Interracial Unity. I will warn you, they are a vocal, opinionated, out-spoken bunch, usually, but not always polite. They may say nothing, but just in case, I wanted to warn you.This is what I told them:I have a friend in Australia named Boo who writes an incredibly interesting, readable and weird blog. You can never tell what she’ll come up with. She has traveled extensively throughout northern Africa and has chronicled that in her blog. She also has lived in Singapore and, I think, Hong Cong.Her latest post is on her opinions of who are good-looking people. It made me laugh and, at the risk of offending those members here who have little sense of humour, I recommend that you go read this post . You might especially note what she says about ‘Black’ hair toward the end of the post, as that has been a recent topic much discussed here.Mai, SSofSSSBTW, I know ‘Mongrel’ isn’t a nationality, but I still think we deserve mention as we are, after all, the best-looking group of all!

  3. Booey, I love this post. I feel exactly the same way when returning to these shores (except when coming back from the US – there’s not a pin to choose between Them and us). If Bec Cartwright-Hewitt is the ideal of Australian womanhood, god help us all. She has no chin.Although, I do have to stand up for the Scandinavians. You haven’t been there yet to the motherlode, the Norwegians, Swedes and Danes are truly, truly divine. The Finns are a little shorter, darker and squat-er – more close to the Russian phenotype I think – still nice but slightly less touched by the goddess than their neighbours. Now, what about a meme on your 10 least favourite words? One came to me yesterday – “bain-marie”. Hideous.

  4. Oh My God. They are all the hottness. And I love the way you describe the Senegalese skin…so poetic.I too love swarthy men with big noses and dark thick eyebrows. Much better than the Anglo weeds out there.

  5. Mai: I will take your word on the Venezuelans, I hear they have a good reputation for their hotness. I will have to do a grand lecher tour of South America and report back.I was going to mention the mixed race person! I guess they are in all nationalities of the world so I cannot easily compartmentalise them as I see fit. They are all indescribably fine!!! My new goddaughter has the most beautiful-shaped eyes I’ve ever seen.The chap is indeed a Maori gent. You should look for the Haka on You Tube, then you’ll see some fine looking chaps. I look forward to the onslaught from your Yahoo group!! I adored your letter!Susanna: ta muchly, I do what I can!Kateoi: Pfft. Anyone can straighten their hair, dye it and go to the solarium. Just take a stroll down Chapel St any day and see the array of hussies afore ye. The Scandanavians impress me not. Although yes, I haven’t been in that part of the world yet and would change my mind if I did, and noted any Rutger Hauer-esque fellows.Aud: At last, someone on my big-nose-and-hair bandwagonne! Hurrah!!

  6. Boo,Allah would surely condemn me to life in a burqa for being a Turkish woman who lusts after man-dominating, wog-accented, olive skinned, thick-dark-haired Greek women. Chyloe

  7. BBBJ,The Yahoo group has read and commented, but in private communication to me, not to you. Sorry.No one thinks you should be lynched or that you should be subjected to ‘ consciousness raising.’There has been some grumbling about some you left off, however: Rastafarians score high as do Caribbean types in general. What about the First Nations (American Indians)? And someone even suggested that you really must be prejudiced since you left off your our Australian Aborigines.Seattle Report over and out!

  8. 10. Indian: This has nothing to do with the fact that every Indian person I meet thinks I am gorgeous, and will tell me about it repeatedly. It all starts with the hawk-like nose, then moves on to the profuse tresses of blue-black hair, then the dusky skin. As for the paler-skinned Indians, some will still have blazing dark eyes and dark lips. Rrraow.As for the physique – the women are like little hourglasses, with big shoulders and boobs. In fact I thought, ‘at last, I’ve found a place they all look like me, except shorter and better looking!’ And the men are rangy. Many of them have long hair. Some are beturbanned. I don’t need to say any more.u gott me i am indianwud love to see u or your pic somedaywe indians are not like that as seen in this picthis looks like the indian stereotype of the rope trick guyIndia is a vast cuntrythe NORTH INDIAN is tottaly diff from the SOUTH INDIAN and the NORTH EAST INDIANme?I am an alien in my own landi belong to GOA a former portuguese colony close to BOMBAY now named MUMBAIone thing u gott rightIndians love buxom blondes and white skin

  9. Scandies, definitely, without anyone to come close to them. at least men. But women are also suprisingly hot, and I'm not even a fan of blonde women, I just love blonde guys. But as I sad – insanely good looking nationalities – the body type, the facial features, the style, they've got it all. As for women – I come from Serbia and in all honesty – I've traveled some and I have never seen women that are naturally beautiful as women here (by here, I also mean Macedonians and Croatian). The downside is – it's getting harder and harder to find the natural looking women, they overuse make up and stuff. But still good looking, veeeery fit. Our men look like monkeys though. But then again – not a fan of dark men. Women that do come close to our women – Polish and Czech women, and they do get a plus for looking more natural compared to ours. I've seen loads of South American women, they can be pretty, but still not as pretty as our girls. Argentinians are a beautiful nation. My opinion at least. I didn't believe when people were telling me that before I started travelling and saw it for my self. Even the book 'The Game' says it Moldovian and Serbian women that make you go crazy :DAd an interesting thing – Maori and the native North americans can be pretty beyond words.

  10. Honestly, I think if everyone looked at the beauty inside of everyone instead of the beauty on the exterior, this world would be a much better place.

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