Charles Atlas spotted in the ‘Wick

So I’m tottering up Victoria Street laden with the following items:

-Extra-strength depilatory lotion

-Six whiskey glasses of varying shapes

-One big bag of orchid potting mix

-Two print cartridges, black ink

-One large globe of the world, Readers’ Digest edition

When ‘Sean’ approaches me from behind. Despite the fact that I’m clearly struggling with a lot of packages, he sticks out a hand and introduces himself.

“Yep, I’m going to Fitzy’s gym up the road,” he says as though we were mid-way through a conversation.
“Excellent!” I reply
“I’m going there to build up my body and get fit. Although I hardly need it – look at this!”
And he lifts up his singlet to reveal an admittedly rippling stomach. I also catch a glimpse of a thick expanse of shoulder hair.
“Oooh – wow,” I respond, trying not to laugh. “Amazing, Sean!”
“Yep, I know. And check out my tan too – I’ve just been to the solarium.”
“Gosh,” I respond, completely out of words.
“You’d burn in the solarium though – you’re pretty pale. Good body, but.”
“Thanks Sean!”
Taking advantage of a clump of people near the body works, I scuttle over the train line and make good my escape. Alack, Sean (who, as he reminded me, is fit and fleet of foot) catches up quickly.
“I said you’re lookin’ GOOORGEOUS, Sally!”
“It’s Rebecca,” I say primly.
“Sorry mate. Anyway, you’ve got a hot body. And I’ve got a hot body. Check this out!”
Then he lifts up his top again. My packages are feeling pretty heavy at this stage, but Sean wants to bend my ear about how much weight he can lift (90kgs), and the infrequency of his gym visits compared with the hotness of his bod. He also reminds me of the many women in his hairdresser’s who admire his body (product endorsement).
“So have you got a boyfriend?”
“Er – yes,” I lie, alarmed. “We’re very close!”
Before I get into my stride, he cuts me off.
“Aw, shit. I was going to ask you out.”
“Ah well Sean. Plenty more fish in the sea.” I can scarcely believe that phrase has left my head, but I said it all right.
“No there isn’t. Not for me,” he sticks out his lower lip.
“With a body like yours? Come on!” And I feign outrage.
He shrugs and asks me if I’m going back into my work.
“No no! I’m only delivering these packages! Just delivering!” I cry cravenly as I zoom away.
“All right then – you take care of your body all right? And don’t forget this!”
He lifts up his top again.

As I run inside I catch the eye of the new building manager, Anthony, who is watching the whole scene with delight. And to think that here I was glibly inviting strange men to leave their numbers in my comments! How could I, when all the manly specimens I need are right in front of me.

GOLD GOLD I tells ya.

5 thoughts on “Charles Atlas spotted in the ‘Wick

  1. Treesh, you and I could write our own blogge full of these gems. Excellent pickup lines are two a penny in this suburb.I’m thinking of the septuganerian hopeful in the Salvos who uttered the immortal line: “You Greek?”

  2. I was walking down the Strip in Las Vegas one day, Mani not far off, when a Japanese tourist approached me, consulted his – I assume it was a phrase book – and said, ‘Hiya, honey. Wanna fuku?’ After I slapped him silly, Mani came running, scowling as only Mani could. (I assumed Tourist-San didn’t know how offensive he was being until I committed a battery on his slimy person. But he sure looked twice at Mani towering over him, scowling. I bet he never used that line again.

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