Lazy Moe’s: Dinner of Kings

As there’s not much running through my head at the moment except ‘OMG HARRY POTTER OUT SAT WTF LOLOLOL’, I’m going to blog about the ‘dining’ experience I had last night.

With all the fabulous choice available in this city, it’s astounding that a joint like Lazy Moe’s is turning over a dollar. Stuck for choice after netball (8-20, note the improvement!), the newly-named Hell Raisers found a place on Maribyrnong Rd, opposite the housing development. Here’s the run-down:

When we walked in we realised it was a bit of a barn, with at least 50 tables, half of them empty. Asked to sit down in couches near the door while they ‘found us a table’, we had a good chance to observe a wee bald bloke in a waistcoat eagerly doing the accounts right near the front door. So welcoming! We perused the menu (average main: $20, heavy on the mango sauce), which was covered with all sorts of thinly-veiled threats to the customers about not asking for split bills, not seating ourselves, not asking for water etc etc.

A waitress asked for our orders, and was surprised to hear that we were waiting for a table. Sorting themselves out with at least another 2 waitstaff, we were finally led to a table, about 10 mins after we walked in.

Of course we got our meals all at different times, and they forgot the drinks. We would have had at least 4 people waiting our table, most of them rude. We got a bit hysterical after a while, and noted that rather than ‘serving to the side’, they just leaned over and plonked the meals down wherever. Like in front of someone. The entrees were just a touch bigger than a regular main – and served on giant dinner plates, filled right up.

Then we saw one girl getting the seafood platter – I kid you not, it was served on a tray. It would have fed a whole family. There were no roars and howls when it arrived, and she finished most of it. We sat there for ages and just gawked at the orgy of eating around us. It was like La Grande Bouffe where the lovely Marcello and his mates agree to eat themselves to death one weekend in a chateau. Except minus the hot men, good food, amenable surroundings and agreeable waitstaff.

We asked Stelle what she thought of her meal, and she was literally stuck for words. She had no words. They continued to foul up our orders, and continued to bicker over it. One lass figured that her pasta might make a good lunch the next day, and asked for a doggie bag. No such thing existed at Lazy Moe’s, but the waiter said sourly, ”I can bring it back from the kitchen….and you can finish it if you like.” We shrieked.

And on the way out, in the muddy and unlit carpark, I stepped in a puddle up to my ankle.

It was… SO BAD. Why are they in business? Can someone please explain??

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4 thoughts on “Lazy Moe’s: Dinner of Kings

  1. Ah, my friend Ms. Boo! You handled that all wrong! Remember, the inestimable Dr. Phil says, ‘You teach people how to treat you.’ These people need to be taught.When they take too long, you should stand on the table and screech very, very loudly in your highest pitched voice!! When they misplace your food, bite their hands really, really hard!!When they forget your drinks, poop on their heads!!When the bring the bill, fly away!!SQUAWK! SQUAWK!! SQUAWK!!

  2. Wow. Was there a kind of shimmering effect to the doorway? It’s like you walked into some alternate universe… or America.Obvs they’re about quantity more than quality. Although, I’m guessing the food was reasonably edible if there was a request for a doggie-bag (nearly typed ‘dodgy-bag’).Maybe they’re still in business cause a lot of people like ‘value for money eating’ and a local Sizzler has just shut down.Hell Raisers eh? *sniffle* I must note that I am rather dismayed that you neglected to use any of my sleep-deprived-nuttiness-inspired suggestions… Surely Hirsute Hotties was a close second with its fiercely appealing, witty charms and use of ever-so-clever alliteration!!

  3. Your maj! But I am a lowly peasent. Pooping on heads is only for royal personages. Perhaps I should buy myself a title.EB: That’s exactly what we said!! It was like ALice through the looking glass or something.Ooh, and we did throw around the Hirsuite Has-beens or the Nutty Netters, but figured it made us sound like a team put together by an aged care facility!!!

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