I’m launching a new blog (o launch) over at Ears On Stalks, based on conversations overheard in Melbourne. It’s similar to another one called Overheard in New York, which my sister keeps sending me snippets from.
I discovered this exists in Melbourne already, however as my sister rightfully pointed out, the presentation and lengthy explanations kind of kill off the humour. And those people’s avatars shit me.
Overheard in New York is the funniest thing online, and every post makes me snort boiling hot coffee all over my keyboard. I literally have to spend the rest of the day trying to clean it with a tissue wadded up into a little spiral. I’ve never been to New York, but there’s something very ‘Noo Yawk’ about the tone of it all. Could it be the deadpan? The swift comebacks? The put-downs?
I’m hoping mine will be a bit ‘Melbourne-esque’, but I guess we’ll see.
If you’d like to be a contributor, drop me a line at my email, which can be found on my profile page. Then you can upload things whenever you like. When I, er, figure out all that malarkey. If you want to just email your hilarious anecdotes for me to upload, then do that too!
And if you’re not from Melbourne but overhear some drollery I’m sure we can bend the rules a bit. Let’s face it, we’re not from NY, we do not believe ourselves to be at the centre of the universe, we don’t mention our city in every damn song lyric, nor do we feel the need to liken the name of our city to gargantuan fruit. What am I saying? Funny stuff happens everywhere.
Anyway, here’s some good material from Overheard in New York to whet our appetites!
Her People Love Fashion at a Bargain
Older woman: Excuse me, miss?
Younger woman: Yeah?
Older woman: Your veil, your burqa is very beautiful. I didn’t know your people were allowed to wear it in bright colors.
Younger woman: It’s not a burqa, it’s a poncho. I’m Jewish. It’s for the rain. I got it at TJ Maxx.
What Arthur Got Was More of an Expectoresso
Customer: I’ll have a large espresso.
Customer: No, black tar heroin!
Barista: Right away, sir.
–Starbucks, Staten Island
Damn, Just “Danisha”
Teen tourist #1: Let’s go in this souvenir store — I want a name key chain.
Teen tourist #2: Daneesha, they don’t have your ghetto-ass name on a key chain!
–33rd & 5th
Well, I Didn’t Get a Good Look at His “Field”…
Male professor: Oh, by the way, I saw Professor Ames when I was in Chicago last weekend.
Female dean: Oh! Is he still as hot as he always was?
Male professor: (Blank stare)
Female dean: … In his field…