This is pretty feral

Last night I found a note addressed to me left on the bathroom bench. It read:

Dear Rebecca,
I accidentally used your toothbrush, sorry about that. I am getting you a new one tomorrow at 7am.
(the girlfriend)

When I had my shower this morning, a brand new toothbrush was sitting on top of the note. I ignored the girlfriend as I ate my brekky, and radiated waves of evil (as she sat in my chair, hogging my heater). I then went to brush my teeth, and looked at the toothbrush holder. My old toothbrush was still there, as well as the housemate’s. She must have chucked one away, and has been using mine all along!! Yuk! Yuk!! Yuk!!!!!!!

Feral pigs!

As I swept wrathfully out of the house, the housemate was sitting out the front, on a Landmark call, telling somebody how they should be living their life. “Make a list!” she was saying brightly. “Write down everything that’s not going well in your life, and take charge!”

These arseholes gotta go, man.

(deep breath)

(counts to ten)

(looks on bright side)

(I have a new toothbrush)


11 thoughts on “This is pretty feral

  1. Oh, shit, I have a reputation.EEEEUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! This is truly disgusting. Cayenne pepper – or habaneros, if available, because they’re hotter -is the first line to think of when plotting vengeance that you won’t get arrested for.Try boiling their toothbrushes in water with a copious amount of white pepper. Cayenne works better, but is visible. Might not work, though, if their toothbrushes are dirty, they might notice they’ve been cleaned. Or try a little bitter apple on them. But try these things the night before they leave. Otherwise, they might turn homicidal. (You have already purchased the new locks, right?)If you just want evil satisfaction without their knowing, of course, the simplest thing is just to rinse them in the toilet bowl. Who knows, they might get e. coli.I’m really a very nice person; I just don’t like being messed with.pjzrx lnfzt

  2. “I’m really a very nice person; I just don’t like being messed with.”That goes for me too. If I can do anything to help. Seriously. Let me know.

  3. bek, i had plans to be there, but life kind of got ahead of me. i had the invitation in a pile of things to respond to, then one day i get an email from boo saying, so sounds like i won’t be seeing you tonight. it wasn’t too late at that point, i know, but as i am going on leave for three weeks tomorrow, (unheard of!) and have so much to do before i go,(about three week’s worth to be exact) i have been pretty much just working ridiculous hours and sleeping very little.i remember mr m’s allegory that you mention in your blog, though. a concept for the ages. -mk

  4. Now people are having their conversations in my comments! Most amusing!!!Pauvre MK. I look forward to your re-entry into the real world, where we can spread out, play Scrabble and comment upon trashy TV shows, as we do so well.Thank you all for support/evil plots of revenge/offers of annihilation/links to divine Sikh men photographed along my train line.Two weeks until the new housemate moves in. I am making preparations. The evil duo don’t look like shifting any time soon alas.

  5. boo, when are we going to play scrabble? sooner rather than later? as to the flagrant use of your toothbrush i say this,what does this say about her relationship with her girlfriend?to be more specific, she had two alternatives. her own girlfriend’s toothbrush, or yours. did she have to just accept that your toothbrush was innately superior (due to the owner of course), or did she realise the heinesness of her action, and therefore acted against you, who is soon to be no longer a part of their life, as opposed to fragment her already tenuous relationship with the aforementioned girlfriend. either way, i smell trouble. -mk

  6. MK: you pose some fine theories. Mine is that they are both simply colossally self-centred and simply don’t notice! Why don’t they just borrow my clothes? All my dacks? Hey, what about my Diva Cup??!! That’s washable!!!!Mai: that’s even worse than I imagined. Migoddd. Kris: I know I know!! I discovered more ephemera yesterday, when going into her room to rescue a rather valuable and lovely vase my sister gave me for my birthday. You don’t want to know! And I have one flatmate, not two would you believe….

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