I call on the spirit of Frank Zappa…

I thought it was resolved yesterday, but the drama continueth this morning with more letters, threats etc etc.

I live with people who play only what Ms Fits would call ‘trilly femme singer/songwriters’ on high rotation. Also, bear in mind they are also humourless, PC lesbians. I am making a bit of a mixed tape today, with my own contributions to the household airwaves. Can anyone help me?

Thus far I have on my computer:

Killing in the name of… Rage Against The Machine
Teenage Prostitute Frank Zappa
Titties and Beer Frank Zappa
Bobby Brown Frank Zappa
Jewish Princess Frank Zappa

These last two are so priceless I might just make a CD of them on rotation. Check some of these lyrics (they are quite explicit, scroll down fast if you’re likely to get offended):

Hey there, people,
They say I’m the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiny
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I’m dressin’ sharp ‘n’ I’m
actin’ cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work ‘n’ maybe later I’ll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I’m too extreme
An’ I’m a handsome sonofabitch
I’m gonna get a good job ‘n’ be real rich

Women’s Liberation
Came creepin’ across the nation
I tell you people I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say “when”
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it’s still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An’ I’m a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady…I don’t know which

Good diction, that Frank Zappa. Very easy to understand every word he’s saying. Another articulate, clever person is Henry Rollins. Anyone got any of his standup on CD? Any Black Flag songs I should be checking out??

I need some violent war DVDs. Some horror as well. The more misogynist the better. Maybe some gross-out humour like the Farrelly brothers, or even some really bad flicks like that one about two black guys pretending to be sorority girls.

Anyone know of any drumming groups looking for a temporary space? My living room is quite comfy and warm. And laughter therapy groups? How about spirit channellers or bong smokers? I am quite serious about this.

There is an open invitation for anyone to come round (at any hour) and belch, fart, stay in the shower for ages and use up all the hot, say the word ‘pussy’ as often as possible, snog loudly, slam doors and wail and bawl incessantly. That’s what I’ve been living with all year, so it shouldn’t make too much of a difference at this stage!

Anyone got Chopper’s number???

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16 thoughts on “I call on the spirit of Frank Zappa…

  1. Thuki has posted some of my favourite pictures on her blog. No offensive lyrics on any of my blogs, though. Sikh grandmothers read them. Oh, shit!! I’m a Sikh grandmother, aren’t I?The Sukha Singh pics look like one of our Family Shaheeds…Would it freak out your PC lesbians if he were to materialise during one of their sessions while they’re using the battery-powered appliances and harnesses? What would you do without your faithful readers to keep your back?I hope you read about me tossing Mani, I wrote that in answer to your question.Have you thought about putting cayenne pepper in their sex supplies/toys? It works best if you can figure out how to do it mixed in lanoline. That gets into the skin and you can’t get it out.fifnqb qbfcqhxu

  2. How about some gangsta rap? That stuff is grosser than Zappa…I saw a video of two women somehow having sex with each other and a motorcycle, but I couldn’t make out the words. I flipped on the CC, but they bleeped most of it out.ngvzvca cbkudle

  3. ideological warfare. count me in.i can suggest stagger lee by nick cave, and anything else with blixa squealing. or wanger (oops, i meant wagner), loud. then, come in with bros. “when, will i , will i be famous?”-mk

  4. I hereby volunteer to drop round with my saxophone for a jam session…..and my banjo too, we may need back up. I’m pretty bad on both so I’ll just settle myself in awhile, whattya say? Crestfallen.

  5. I’m with sublime-ation – there’s nothing, but nothing, more offensive than NWA.Mixing *that* up with some Bros is Sheer.Evil.Genius.Follow that with some Dead Kennedys.Then perhaps New Kids on the Block… When will I, will I be famous?Follow on with Nine Inch Nails’ Head like a hole.Follow that with “Especially for You”, the duet Kylie Minogue did with Jason Donovan, and the Bangles “Eternal flame” (keep them guessing as they’ll be expecting a hard one).Then Black Sabbath’s Sabbath Bloody Sabbath.Followed by Tiffany’s “I think we’re alone now”, followed by Killing in the name of, followed by “High in the hills with a lonely goatherd” from the Sound of Music soundtrack.By that stage they will be insane. You may be too, but it’s a small price to pay.

  6. ‘Running the world’ by Jarvis Cocker. It has a delightful line about how ‘cunts are still running the world’ that might offend. Either that or they’ll find it empowering…Can’t think right now.

  7. I have been doing some research. I put in cunt lyrics and hit ‘I feel lucky’ and came up with http://www.darklyrics.com/a/analcunt.htmlI'm sure recordings of these are out there and easily found. They are truly filthy and many are mysogenistic. ‘I’m gonna kill you bitch, you fuckin’ cunt,’comes to mind.If all else fails, have you considered on a perpetual loop of ‘It’s A Small World.’That should have them begging for mercy; the only question is, could you survive it?ltevi oqhqi

  8. Spooky. Chyloe has the entire oeuvre of NKOTB on vinyl, as well as “Especially for you” and I think “Eternal Flame”…or is that mine??What the hell Boo, just come and borrow my iPod. That’ll send anyone screaming for the hills. You’ll just have to skip forward past the Indigo Girls and Pink, that’ll make them feel right at home.

  9. You people are all evil geniuses. You realise I am writing all these songs down!!I am thinking of three different CDs on rotation: Rollins, Blixa and co, the next one NKOTB, Jason Donovan, Tiffany etc and the third just these two songs – It’s a Small World and Kumbayah.And a Sikh grandmother has just suggested I put cayenne pepper on someone’s sex toys which makes this surely a red-letter day.

  10. Is it working?I have been reading earlier entries in your blog and have another suggestion. How about awarding them an all-inclusive vacation to Mauritania? One way.voazlqdt

  11. Hee hee Mai. How i should love to open the time/space portal and do just that.A blanket-like silence has covered the house, I think the message has been read loud and clear. I have the run of the chook coop. The girlfriend has not even been seen, and has been around once or twice – they sneak in late like tiny, butch mice.My new chap is moving in on the 8th, and will settle in the lounge room, if need be. He has a didgeridoo. This is a word that rhymes with ‘no-one messes with Boo’, coincidentally enough.

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