Someone I’m interviewing on Friday suggested I do a story on the ‘Tiffany Blue’ concept, from a positioning point of view. So I got my clever fingers to work and discovered that not only is the much-loved ‘Tiffany Blue’ an official Pantone colour, but that they have gone so far as to make the PMS number (1837) the same as its founding year. Get a life people! How do you trademark a colour!! Who authorised that?? It’s not enough just to register your company name any more, someone’s got to own the very elements of life! What’s next, air? The moon? Atoms? The scab that just fell off my elbow?
It doesn’t stop there. Then I found this appalling wedding website. Toni Braxton herself had a Tiffany-themed wedding!! And some people are excited by this, rather than repelled! They even say that ‘Tiffany-themed weddings are hott.’ Let me share some of their insights with you:
“For many of us, Tiffanys comes close to being Disneyland for grownups… Pairing Cinderella’s optimism with Marilyn’s ‘Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend,’ Tiffany’s taunts us with dreams of forever-after romance as soon as we’re old enough to appreciate its open-mouthed O of a classic diamond solitaire.”
Whew, that’s a lot of popular culture references right there. Don’t even get me started on how the entire concept of engagement rings, diamonds and other abstract concepts were entirely invented by the jewellery industry. Tiffany’s seized the idea of the solitaire ring, successfully sold the idea to millions of people AND THEY’RE STILL LAPPING IT UP WITH A SPOON.
It goes on:
In The New American Wedding, Diane Meier Delaney tells of one guilty bride who couldn’t bring herself to write a thank-you note after the ceremony — because for years she couldn’t bear to open the famous blue box that enclosed her gift.
I don’t even know this woman, and already I’d like to slap her. After this breathtaking statement of stupidity in action, the site details all the thrilling napkin rings, party favours, sugar-coated almonds, crystal-studded cakes and clocks you could order for your Big Day. Some bright spark in the comments suggests that ‘Tiffany’s toasting flutes are not as expensive as you might think.’ Someone else is having a ‘Tiffany Blue Sweet 16’. Another (clearly plum out of ideas) is having a ‘Breakfast at Tiffanys Bridal Brunch’. Just what is a Bridal Brunch anyway??
I totally understand the idea that some people have plainer tastes in jewellery / clothes / lifestyle / thought processes. I get it. Not everyone desires something unique, handcrafted and personal, suited to their personality. All they want is a plain chain with a single diamond, or an ordinary solitaire. Perhaps a baguette cut, because they’re ‘different’. And Tiffany does that stuff in abundance.
But do we have to institutionalise it? Wrap it up in a big satin bow and shove its goddamn powder blue duck eggy goodness down our throats until we squeak? Why is the pinnacle of every woman’s life depicted as the moment when some oaf in a black tux stumbles to one knee and unhands The Blue Box? What happens after then, eh?
Bah. I don’t even like blue, anyway. Hell, handbasket, etc.