Anti Connex blog! Glee!!

So I’ve been holed up in an advertising agency all week in Richmond. As I’ve been working in the CD’s office, along with the senior copywriter, have been privy to all sorts of amusing conversations, brainstorming meetings, crises, whispered gossip and outright sledging. How was I supposed to get a minute of work done, I asks you??

There is a giant boxer dog that greets you when you walk in, as well as one of those tiny fluffy toilet roll cover dogs. These two mooch around all day, checking out the lay of the land. This mob is also COMPLETE ALCOHOLICS and start drinking at about 3pm ON A MONDAY, and as it’s Friday now I find I’m in need of a bit of a detox.

Anyway, so I’ve had to travel on public transport a lot more than usual, and have been enjoying reading the wonderful MX. My favourite part of this quality read is not the tonnes of rubbish left behind on trains and stations every day, not the excellent journalism to be found therin (one section is called something like ‘boring but neccessary’ – it’s the actual news bit), but the sight of dozens of people buried deep within its covers, brows furrowed, riffling it importantly and concentrating hard, AS THOUGH THEY WERE READING A REAL NEWSPAPER.

The letters page is always a guaranteed winner, and yesterday it directed me to this:

Melbourne Public Transport Blog

Where you can basically whinge about what a crap public transport service we’re getting in Victoria. At last, an outlet!! Over the past 2 weeks the following events have occurred:

1. On the Upfield line, was surrounded by some spaced-out people breathing deeply into plastic bags and stinking of Posca pens. Such is my knowledge of the real world, I thought for a minute one was having an athsma attack and breathing into a bag. When I realised what was going on and looked up to give them a blast, I caught the sinister, crazed experession on all their faces and hastily moved up the train. Everyone else was quite freaked out too.

2. Going past Jewell station, someone chucked a rock through the train window not so far from my head. With glass everywhere, it was amazing that no-one was injured. Everyone on board agreed that the Connex employees wouldn’t be in the slightest bit interested in knowing about this, as we’d all had issues with staff before. When I reported this at Flinders St, the guy said ‘oh yeah. Which line? Oh.’ And kept checking tickets.

3. At Flinders St, again, there was a small explosion by the door, WITH SPARKS. The power went down in the train, and everyone was locked in. No explanation from staff. A few moments later, the power came up and the train headed off INTO THE LOOP. Like, underground. This happened again TWICE, again, no explanation.

Wah lau, eh. I’m actually building up an article idea about how public transport is far more efficient in the third world than anything we could do in Melbourne. Like, there’s something along every 5 minutes, even if it’s a bloke on a donkey. And it costs about 7 cents to get around town, and everyone’s really friendly and if there’s no room you can sit on people’s laps. Something like that.


11 thoughts on “Anti Connex blog! Glee!!

  1. Public transport both sucks and blows simultaneously.This week I took photos of the naughty Melbourne High boys sitting down on the train while adults were standing, and e-mailed them with a stern note to the Principal. I am an old lady.

  2. Fucking BRILLIANT. Keep up the good work. There should also be laws against some of the dumb conversations those kids have on trains, but I’m thinking that one might be hard to enforce…

  3. Thanks for the link to my site. It’d be good if you posted your own experiences there, too. Apart from links like yours, any suggestions as to how we can promote the address? Otherwise, it’ll fade away.

  4. Wow. I shall never complain about our public transport system here ever again. All we get are drunken types who kindly warn commuters that they are all going to hell and buses that hit elder ladies to death. No, wait… that can’t be right…On second thought, here’s to nice chaps sitting on eachother’s laps! Yeah!

  5. There is nothing like sitting on the lap of a total stranger…. of having one sit on yours, for that matter! Ah, fond memories….

  6. Gad! You have had a bad run of late on the old PT (Pure Torture).Personally I put it down to the unnecessary privatisation of Melbourne’s public transport system. But that could also be due to that I hate neo-liberalism and those who carried out rampant acts of government vadalism, by privatising our PUBLIC OWNED infrastructure.It does tend to happen in threes…unless there is a 4th incident that you have not posted up yet.CheersEd

  7. “transport is far more efficient in the third world” – absolutely – in india you can hang off the sides and top of packed trains. at least you get my place and Toronto:well-spotted boo darling.I went to the Twin Cities website and found that Melbourne spreads herself ‘about a bit’ the tramp – twinned and tripletted and quadded all over the place.

  8. Edward Y: these experiences are but a mere bagatelle! Most of my best tales come from the ole PT however, so perhaps I shouldn’t complain so loudly.And am with you about privatisation. No-one seems to have noticed (no-one with the power to do anything about it anyway) that since it’s been privatised how massively it’s started to slide downhill…and yet we keep paying more for it.Brownie: indeed! It seems to serve its function in other countries. And in India families will compete to see how much they can feed the big white girl (in my experience anyway)!!Mai: taunt me not with those words. I have not seen the Lad Of Shimmering Beauty in a while, although I am always looking. Yesterday was sailors in abundance at the station, which was dandy, but a poor second.

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