Perhaps it’s just as well this weekend was a washout, socially-speaking. Who knew it took so long to pack for a short business trip? I used to throw two t-shirts, two pairs of dacks and sensible (read: ugly) pants in a backpack and I’d be set for weeks.
These days I’m like Maria Lucas under the stern eye of Lady Catherine De Bourgh at Rosings Park. I couldn’t sleep for thinking of the correct way to fold and pack my gowns, and woke early this morning determined to start afresh.
I’ve been rehearsing the various ways to talk my way into business class, after dressing alluringly and holding out for the male staff member at the Cathay desk:
Casual: So! A full flight then?
Ingratiating: Hectic morning? You guys must be so busy.
Seedy: Hear the latest on that Qantas stewardess? Dirty bitch
Overt: Any chance of an upgrade?
Desperate: I’ll give you $50 and a look down my top if you let me sit on the steps to first class.
I’ve also had the requisite traveller’s fantasies:
-The one where I’m freshening up in the plane loo and interrupted by a panting and lascivious Ralph Fiennes – oh wait that already happened.
-The other one where the hotel is wildly overbooked, and I’m forced to share a room with another journo with an eerie resemblance to Clarke Gable. A war of the sexes ensues: I am disgusted and thrilled he doesn’t wear a vest under his shirt, and he is intrigued by my disrobing silhouette against the backlit room divider.
-Where the plane is mysteriously diverted to the Villa Clooney. It remains there with engine troubles for the entire week.
Have also had a bit of trouble deciding which book to take. There’s only a few hours’ reading left on the Mitford/Waugh one, but it’s a monster. After carefully reviewing the teetering pile of unread books by my bed, I finally selected a good one I got for Christmas. I pulled it out before: ALIVE by Piers Paul Read. About the Uruguayan soccer team, whose remaining members ate human flesh after their plane crashed in the Andes. Perhaps not the best thing to take on board. Dang it.
Have a grand week!