Ugh, I was in such a foul mood by the end of Friday. By 5pm I was so irritated I would have slapped my own face in the mirror. And at the supermarket there was this woman! Right up in my grill!! Every time I turned around she was there, wanting to get to whatever it was I was in front of! And when she did, she’d shove my trolley out of the way. Just a little bit. At the homebrand sardines – there she was. The spring onions – the same thing. Poking it with one outstretched finger. Could she not CEASE to EXIST. Gngngngnggngngngnnnnnnnn
Although my inflammation could have had something to do with the fact that I hadn’t had much sleep. My eyelids were jacked open until 4am, for reasons known only to my eyelids. Anyway. So I zoomed off home and invented this brilliant cocktail, which I call:
One honeydew melon, going soft in the fridge
One knob ginger
Bombay Sapphire Gin, extra-large duty free bottle
Basically it’s very simple, although if you haven’t borrowed a juicer off your parents then you’re probably stuffed. Get your largest glass out and fill with ice. Mine is a Footscray Bulldogs beer stein with their one premiership (1954) and Brownlow Medallists on the side – everyone laughs at it, I do not know why. Then slosh in at least four fingers of gin, depending on your mood. Juice the melon within an inch of its life, skin the ginger and do the same. Throw the juice on top of the chilled gin, and top with lemon juice. Stir with a butter knife, it’s the only way.
This goes rather well with half a tub of King Island Belgian Chocolate Dessert* and a copy of Marie Claire with next year’s horoscopes within. And a really bad picture of Cameron Diaz on the cover. You might like to consume all of this in the bath, but each to their own.