Since making a bit more pocket money, I’ve spent it on some really random things. Booze. Crocodile skin shoes. A rusty metal star with no observable use. A gold dress. Marinated goodies from the Mediterranean Wholesalers. Four aprons for a housewarming gift. I nearly bought a pottery plaque for the bathroom door that reads ‘Necessarium’. But I’ve got to say that the laser hair removal is the most satisfying!
I always thought that when I get older, I’ll be one of those truly disgraceful old bags you only read about in books. Skirt way too short, smeared pink lipstick disappearing into the lines around the mouth, caked on eyeliner, a withered bosom, bristly, beetling eyebrows, cane made of rhino horn to beat off the peasants with, always the one to boom out inappropriate things at Christmas….and of course a rich, luxuriant handlebar moustache to frighten small children.
And now that will simply never be! I shall have to search out a more suitable role-model – less Jocelyn Wildenstein, more Anjelica Houston, or Anna Wintour.