Banned Books

My new housemate is a member of a certain cult-like organisation, which shall remain nameless. You know the one – it costs about $900 to get all your problems out in front of a room full of people, and they’re always trying to convert people. Before anyone starts screeching and squawking, we’ve already had The Conversation, which went something like this:

Her: Yeah, so you should come along some time, it’s really amazing.
Me: Nah, it’s not my thing. Not my bag, baby!! (subtext: I don’t have any problems)
Her: Ok then! Fair enough!

O cult, o indoctrinate.

Anyway, so she had a meeting in the living room the other night, and did a bit of a re-organise of the room (she put everything back before I was even up the next morning, which is why we love this lass). It was something called ‘Introductions’. I noticed that the loo books (those which had been lovingly collected at the 99c bin at Savers) went through a bit of a re-shuffle. Here’s a list of what was deemed suitable and unsuitable for ‘Introductions’:

IN:
The Good Time Guide to London (60s-style guidebook, with dinky illustrations)
The Reader’s Digest Book of World Travel
Natural Wonders (volcanoes erupting etc)
Austria (40s-style guidebook, with coloured photos of people in dirndls, making cheese, saluting Hitler etc)

HIDDEN UNDER OTHER BOOKS:
The Meaning of Liff (English place names with slightly saucy meanings)
Cher! The Unauthorised Biography

OUT:
What’s Happening To Me? (pubertal tufts, knobs and knockers)
The Galaxy (pictures of starbursts, black holes etc)
The Bible in Glorious Living Pictures (splendid shots of C-grade actors playing Joseph, Methuslah etc)

I am entirely bemused! Why were some deemed in and some deemed out? Why was The Bible book given the heave-ho, when my Hindoo gods/goddess tiles sat nearby? And the wooden black priest I bought in Ghana? What is so peculiar about planetary nebula and the satellites of Uranus? Are the members of this cult likely to sift extensively through a stranger’s loo books anyway??

I NEED TO KNOW.

Now Cher is back to gazing at me with her eerily symmetrical stare while I’m hanging a wee, so things are back as they should be.

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