I really like this new client. The marketing woman is lovely, she has that elusive quality ‘tact’, and she once said my prose gave her goosebumps. She knows that she’s working in kit home heaven, but is smart enough not to bag out my effusions (brought on by too much coffee, too much thesaurus.com and too many Tim Tams). I am currently rewriting some copy for her, and have to make it ‘simpler and more obvious’.
So when I gave one house Audrey Hepburn’s seal of approval was she implying that some buyers might not get it?? And implied that another ‘boasts Deco-style spaciousness’ – was that peut-etre over the top??
I think when she said ‘higher-end’’ she meant not so much well-educated, more cashed-up bogans. Should I say the interior design would be perfect to stage the next series of Big Brother? Or that it has a distant view of Steve Irwin’’s family seat? Perhaps that the home theatre option (they are mandatory in today’’s McMansion, I have discovered) will keep your young ones square-eyed and docile for years to come.
Let’s have a look at some of the alterations with her comments, and some of mine:
You greet your guests on the sweeping formal staircase, to the distant tinkling of ivories in the living room. A Great Gatsby moment. – deleted
a Sylvania Waters moment?
And on a clear day, silk robes and brioche on the ample balcony – deleted
change to faded Daydream Island t-shirt and dacks, with white hifibre bread
You throw the last log on the fire, grab the last red and wind down on the couch, while your beloved slips upstairs to the master suite.-This wouldn’t be relevant/appealing to Qld people!
You grab the last mini Cheetos, hoik your g-string above your low rise jeans, tell the dog to rack off and flop on the sofa, yelling for Shane to bring you another Jack and coke.
A touch of urbanity allows ‘‘his’ and ‘hers’’ dressing space; a distinction Ms Hepburn would approve of. -too sophisticated but keep his n’ hers.
Those hideous matching towels Trace’s Mum gave you for Christmas will be used at last
Where East beckons to West – deleted
Fuck oath it looks like Ho Chi Minh City round here these days
like, in the middle
The Biggest Loser
like the telly when you change the channels really fast
Gotta scoot – as you can see, I have work to do!