Four hours into the three-day fast, and all is well. Despite the fact that the juicer spatters dried bits of erk across the kitchen (rectified with a tea towel), it works remarkably well.

I made a juice with three kiwi fruit, half a pineapple, a lemon and a small apple. My hippie housemate extolled the virtues of powdered wheatgrass, so I chucked that in as well. Finally, for good measure I tipped in two teaspoons of psyllium husk. I have been searching for good websites on fasting/colon cleansing stuff, and have come up with some ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIC IMAGES, which would not be out of place on Some people are SICK. The bloke on this website Colon Blog writes about his bowel movements while he’s on herbal supplements. The more spectacular ones, he takes pictures. Do not click on the link if you don’t like being grossed out.

Apparently your innards get coated with disgusting goo after years of eating shite Western food, fats, proteins, junk food etc. Only a good fast, or cleanse with psyllium husk gets rid of it. The results look less like turds and more like something HR Giger would draw in his most Swiss cheese-fuelled hallucinations.

I’ve gotta admit, I’m intrigued. I have to contact my sister (pathologist and intestine dissecter extraordinaire) to see what she has to say.

2 thoughts on “Erk!

  1. Sounds like bollocks to me.Helen Garner wrote a short story about her experience with fasting and high colonics, and her description of the result, a long worm of clear jelly like substance coming out of her rectum, is delicious and terrifying. And begs the question: why do you want your shite to look like jelly with no flavour? Where are all the dead bacteria and degenerate red blood cells, so vital to that rich brown hue of a good dump? In all the many, many colons I’ve been unlucky enough to cut open and hose out their contents, I’ll tell you the only ones which contain anything remotely unnatural from poor diet: the ones with severe diverticular disease, where chronic constipation has caused all these little pockets to form in the bowel wall, where shite gets trapped and eventually turns into little stones if left long enough. These are horrible, but it must be confessed that’s it kind of satisfying, in a gross way, to pop them out of the diverticula, kind of like a macabre version of tiddlywinks.So the moral of the story is: western diets are fine, just eat plenty of fibre so you don’t get diverticular disease, and you’ll be right without any juice fasting foolishness.Hope this helps.

  2. Is not my sister gross, everyone??Why thank you for your input. You must check out the link, of the feral cack which comes out of some people. They are aliens…

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